Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she told me i tasted like america
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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