Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
