I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
