You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
