there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
