bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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