I'm so fucking centered right now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
