i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
