I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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