You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
