Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
