no, he came in my armpit
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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