it was like eating out sand paper
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
