I want to have your abortion
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You pole danced in your parka.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
