bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
