I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
