i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
