Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
