dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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