youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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