you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How does one acquire holy water?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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