Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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