I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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