I think I died a long time ago.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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