OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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