Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
