Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
