my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
