i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
