I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
