2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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