Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
