Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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