Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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