that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
