Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
