that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
