Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
