so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
