One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
