we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
