I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
