Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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