I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
