Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
