Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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