Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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