I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
