doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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