Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
