I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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